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Dinner can be had for 60 pounds a head, served by “minimally clothed” waiting staff.Tables are divided by bamboo screens, creating some semblance of privacy; food is served on handmade clay crockery; soup is blended with a machine generated by bicycle power.

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Someone should tell these millennials that the rest of us have been there, done that back in the wattle-and-daub days of Seventies cookery.

Still, if there is a rumbling in the zeitgeist, then, obviously, I want in on it.

It invites diners to: “Enter a secret Pangea-like world, free from phones, electric lights and even clothing (optional) and revisit the beginning where everything was fresh, free and unadulterated from the trappings of modern life.” As a necessary concession to modern life, gowns and lockers will be provided.

Pangea was the supercontinent that existed during the late Paleozoic and early Mesozoic eras, when the Earth’s land mass had yet to split into separate continents.

With a wide roster of talent, bending and blending genres such as jazz, house, afro, dub and disco, the festival draws on the city’s central nervous system of musical influences to create a day-long party with a truly London soul. July 27th 12.00pm – 10.30pm Beckenham Place Park BR3 1SY Naked City takes place within a bright new bold site in Beckenham Place Park, a recently converted golf course in the heart of South London.

Deliberately looking away from the usual headliners dominating the festival scene, the line-up focuses on home-grown talent, with a particular emphasis on acts that cut their teeth in the boiling South London musical scene. A rich mix of undulating lawns, protected ancient woodland and a beautiful lake make this a scintillating new vantage point from which to experience your city.He clearly does not hail from these parts, but will not tell me where he’s from, as he is “against nationalities.” Keen as he is to promote “naked, tasty food” and “taking people away from technology,” he appreciates that nudity is the aspect that will intrigue punters most. “People are objectified,” he explains, “stereotyped as sexual objects, women more than men.We are told how we should look before we go to a beach, or to do this and that.As for grooming, I feel this is a matter best left to the imagination. After some furtive to-ing and fro-ing about The Bunyadi’s secret, south London location (only revealed once you have a ticket, and then you are sworn to secrecy), a kindly bouncer gives us the thumbs up and we slip into the sweaty under-gloom.I’m feeling a tad anxious, after a series of nightmares about being at work naked.The Coach & Horses -- once famed for playing host to "London's rudest landlord," Norman Balon -- has been run by Choat since 2006.


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