I'm torn because I like her and I want to help her, but I also don't want to expose myself and end up hurt, or just end up being used as some kinda rebound shoulder to cry on guy. Quality in a sucessful relationship, would be if the partner was more interested in where you two as a couple were heading into the future, rather than being so wrapped up in what she had to go through in her past.
After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads. A part of me wants to run away, but part of me wants to give her a chance. Financial troubles she can get herself out of in time. How much more do you think you'd be hurting her if you rejected her because of it?
She seems to have a good heart, and seems like a good person. She recently just got out of a 3 year relationship. Not to mention she's got financial issues that add to her depression and baggage. When she's up, she spontaneous and fun and it's great, when she's down things get awkward.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! At times I feel like I'm being a little cold, but I just don't want to invest myself too much, considering the risks.
Some forums can only be seen by registered members. All this stuff is ringing up warning bells in my head.
But it’s not just childhood relationships that shape us—adult relationship histories can also influence relationships.
The psychologist Susan Andersen termed this process in which working models developed from past romantic relationships come to influence new relationships as “transference.”In her view, past experiences in romantic relationships can affect how we approach and relate to new partners, as well as our behaviors and motivations in new relationships.
Once you are aware of your transference patterns and recognize triggering cues, make a plan that highlights these signals (the IF) and link it to a new way of behaving (the THEN).
For example, “IF a new person is as unaffectionate as an ex was, THEN I will avoid this person.” By thinking and planning ahead of time, we can begin to master our behaviors in relationships.
But you do not need to experience a breakup to begin forming healthier relationships.
While there are no quick fixes, developing a clearer picture of your working models and how these might be affecting your relationships is a good starting point.
This could change how reliant they are on themselves and other people, make them form closer bonds with family and friends, or even change life priorities.