I’m engaging with many victims and survivors of domestic abuse online.
They show you who they are My ex revealed his true self early on with his actions. Whilst he told me he loved me one minute, he’d erupt in anger and disappear for days the next. That’s because I was projecting onto him who I hoped and wanted him to be. The man he was revealing to me, but whom I was choosing to be blind to. You are the one who is different to all the others (read: whores) who came before.
Or we’re having affairs they’ve imagined in their heads. It reminds me of how narcissists put you up on a Madonna-like pedestal.
The further down the road you go with a narcissist, the harder it is to get away from them.
Trust me, it’s better to walk away sooner, rather than later.
Once we’re drawn in deep enough, another side appears. They tell us: That we’re spoilt brats, sluts or bitches. The word ‘My’ hints at wanting ownership.‘My Princess’ – again, in the right context, those words can be lovely. Or even in the first few weeks of being with someone?
When he later cut me down and accused me of not being that perfect Madonna, I did all I could to prove I was worthy of his love. If I could show him I was still that special one, then perhaps that was all he needed to change and I could fix things. If you’re dating after abuse, don’t project onto someone else who you hope they’ll be in the future. The same is true for when you meet someone who is good for you, like I did with the man I am married to now. Not just sitting back and observing the man he was showing himself to be. One of the scariest things for me, after leaving an abusive relationship, was dating again. She feared, as she hardly knew him, that this might be a red flag. And I am certain we are going to grow old together. How did I not go head first into the next abusive relationship? To understand why not all my emotional needs were met as a child. First, I knew I had to look deep into why my self-esteem was so low. Very Early Warning Sign #1: A Blamer Avoid anyone who blames his negative feelings and bad luck on someone else.